Friday, February 24, 2006

Quick Quiz!

Hey gals and trusses, it's a quick quiz! You know, a quiz you can take quickly! On the go even. Answers to be posted Monday (oooh, what feelings of anticipation you'll experience this weekend). Let's do this!

Question one...
A squash is: A)a tomato, B)a forrest, C)a squash

Question two...
Alabama is: A)made of sugar, B)Canadian, C)completely full of squash

Question three...
Robert E Lee was born in: A)Chicago, B)squalor, C)a giant bamboo pole

Question four...
Air turns to rubber when... A)It heats up, B)it gets suicidal, C)a squash

Question four...
You're a pharoah... A)a tomato, B)the Phillies sell out, C)Hiiiii-yuh!

Question five...

Question six...

volume's way up!

edgar! edgar!

Question nine...
Argentina declared its independence on... A)Feb 6, 1908 B)July 9, 1816 C)Oct 5453453, millenium seven

OH MY GOD SHOES MADE OUT OF NOVOCAINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Judge me; I dare you

I used to work at this office back a few months. When I first started a year ago, I had to fill out this survey where like the boss asks you your 5 favorite tv shows, 5 favorite movies, 5 favorite kingdoms of classification. I guess I'm an asshole, let me preface. So, thinking this was merely a formality, I made up a few of the choices.

In the movie section, I chose like Shawshank Redemption and like WarGames. I also made up a movie called Cougar Wars II. My thinking was man, this looks bad ass. Cougars. War. I'd watch it. Fucking cougars warring, that's a plot. Aw yeah. Cougars.

A few weeks back, she emailed me a friendly email asking how I was. And she also said, by the way, I could not find the movie Cougar War II anywhere, let alone Cougar Wars I. Now I laughed. Sure. Of course. And then I made a cover to a movie for Cougar Wars II and sent it to her. Here is what I made:

Yeah. I also, on the list for one of my favorite music albums, said Milk Holocaust by the Dairy Industry. I hope she asks about that next.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Get Away

So I saw not one, not two, but THREE of these beasts during a 55 minute walk across Manhattan this morning. That's right, three similar-looking delivery trucks in New York City on a week day. They're lurking...oh boy, are they lurking. They're gonna grab me by my innocence and then they'll pack me into a carboard container and ship me to Nastyville...that's the capital of Nastiness, friends. And lemme tell you, Nastiness in no place for a young, blue-eyed boy like me! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Monday, February 20, 2006

items found in a drawer of a desk sitting by the road...

-a toothbrush (with toothpaste applied to bristles)
-the following three magazines: jane, rocks and minerals, american trappers
-a skin cancer reduction pamphlet (written for people looking to ditch melonoma in an "organic, out-of-the-spotlight kind of way")
-six or seven feet of snow
-more toothbrushes (with gun powder applied to bristles)
-kid rock
-a file cabinet (filled to the gills with snow)
-the entire handwritten first draft of john locke's "treatise on fresh water swimming"
-norman bates
-another desk sitting by anther road
-the sound of a woman screaming
-a light year

...i took norman bates and left everything else. after treating norm to lunch at a diner (he ordered a chicken patty melt), i put him back in the drawer. he wouldn't talk...not even about hotels. weirdo ain't worth my time.