Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Things I'd rather shit besides shit on a regular basis

- Tiny man that pops out and tells you the time and temperature


-Peter Jennings

-Theme music to the "Prarie Home Companion."


-A new lease on life

-Slogans. Very profitable slogans.

-Two wires that eventually morph into a new form of transportation.

-A despot


High School Sports!

It might be cold outside, but man oh man, the temperature around high school sports must be about 45,000 degrees! Celcius! That's right, it's the end of January so high school sports are heating right up...I just burnt myself formulating that thought!

Hey! Look what I eyed in the Asheville Citizens-Times this morning:
"Veritas Christian Academy center Catalin Baciu now holds scholarship offers from three Atlantic Coast Conference schools. According to Warriors coach John Jordan, Wake Forest recently jumped into the running for Baciu, a 7-foot-1 junior from Romania. Clemson and N.C. State previously tendered offers."

7-foot-1!! Whoa! Guess you could say he's really at the top of his class! Well, I for one am glad to see that students like Catalin can come over and thrive in our high schools even if they come from places really far away (according to the always-dependable search engine ALTA VISTA, Romania is more than 7,000 miles away -- you're not taking a school bus there, I'll tell ya!)

So what I really wanted to do was sit down with Catilin over a couple of STRAWBERRY malts and discuss his experiences as a high school sports athlete and absurdly tall immigrant. But I lost my phone at a pep rallly for a high school Snood team in Alabama, so I couldn't get ahold of him. No worries. I'm pretty sure I know what he'd say anyway, so I made the whole interview up!

Me: Thanks for joining me Catalin. How's your STRAWBERRY malt?

Catalin: [in thick Romanian accent] It is good. Would you like to see me slam dunk this basketball?

Me: Oh my goodness! Yes!

Catalin: There. The basketball has been slam dunked.

Me: That was quite a backboard shaker! So what was Romania like?

Catalin: It was not as good as America. We had no high school sports.

Me: I can't even conceive of such a place.

Catalin: Now I'll shoot a three-point shot.

Me: Swish!! Are you excited to take your game to the college level?

Catalin: I'm excited to be a high school athlete.

Me: You said it. Oh my gosh, your head just turned into a gymnasium.

Catalin: It is because they serve us much milk at lunch.

Me: Calcium wins again!

Catalin: May I order another malt?

Me: Only if you promise to win districts!

Catalin: I play for the life lessons, not the trophies.

Me: Your entire arm is Bobby Knight!