Fuck this.

Why don't you quit hiding behind your cloaks and come out here and fight me?

Fuck it, I invented the centerfuge.

A second memo to Socrates

Okay, Socrates. Your last memo was received this morning. And we're not entirely sure what you're trying to insinuate using that kind of tone, but we've collectively decided to let it pass as some kind of "venting" or "frustration release" act. Be forewarned, however, that should more unprofessional-sounding words come from your mouth, keyboard or quill, we're prepared to respond swiftly and unapologetically.

Also, Socrates, you pissed in Plato's desk drawer. Stop the nonsense!

-Management

Memo From Socrates

Suck my balls, okay?

-Soc.

Memo to Socrates

Yo Socrates,

I'm reminding you to take your medicine. So you don't go all buck wild and piss on Plato. Yeah, yeah. He's your student. We all know. But urinating on the kid? Nasty. So eat your pills, Socrates. Eat your pills and go to bed.

-Management

Snake Baby!

Steeler Baby

Just click.

I want a better future for my children

I want to invent a few things.

One- a waffle.


Two- a form of contraception that also blocks carbs. Can't be having babies with calories. Right ladies.

Three- Sam Waterson

I'll admit.

So fine.

My mom's name is "Sam." Yeah, as in "Fantastic Sam," as in the Famous barbershop chain. Yes. It's true.

And so what if I've always skidded on by on free haircuts whenever I want.

And so what if I like the touch of a stranger's fingers through my hair.

That's who I am.

Okay?