State of the Union

...is not Indiana.

I am in a Sleep Inn in Elkhart, IN right now and it's the dying hell shithole. although, I did spend 12 hours on a bus today in which there was free beer and screwdrivers. Both were disgusting at 9:30am but it had to be done.

Also, we just went to an Applebee's and a guy with a moustache bought us "Brewtus" beers which are these giant beers and I tried to steal the glass. The waitress saw me and gave me eyes and I almost pulled my penis out but I didn't. Fuck Indiana.

Well, I have to go make as many people feel uncomfortable as possible--which is fairly easy in this godforsaken state.

Listen! Shut up, die.

OH!

Seriously though anyone who likes us and lives in New England come check us out "headlining" the Saturday night portion of the Brandeis Sketch Comedy Fest. We'll totally do weird things to you after. Seriously, ask anyone who has come out with us after a show and they have felt terrible about themselves the next morning.

SHOW DETAILS:

Saturday Dec. 3rd
Shapiro Theatre
Brandeis University--Waltham, MA
8PM
I think it's three bucks. And I think you're pretty.

Who's with me?!!

State of the Union

...is not Indiana.

I am in a Sleep Inn in Elkhart, IN right now and it's the dying hell shithole. although, I did spend 12 hours on a bus today in which there was free beer and screwdrivers. Both were disgusting at 9:30am but it had to be done.

Also, we just went to an Applebee's and a guy with a moustache bought us "Brewtus" beers which are these giant beers and I tried to steal the glass. The waitress saw me and gave me eyes and I almost pulled my penis out but I didn't. Fuck Indiana.

Well, I have to go make as many people feel uncomfortable as possible--which is fairly easy in this godforsaken state.

Listen! Shut up, die.

OH!

Seriously though anyone who likes us and lives in New England come check us out "headlining" the Saturday night portion of the Brandeis Sketch Comedy Fest. We'll totally do weird things to you after. Seriously, ask anyone who has come out with us after a show and they have felt terrible about themselves the next morning.

SHOW DETAILS:

Saturday Dec. 3rd
Shapiro Theatre
Brandeis University--Waltham, MA
8PM
I think it's three bucks. And I think you're pretty.

Who's with me?!!

Did You Know

that the term "snoodling" is a dance you perform [mostly West Coast] to signify that you are of the Gay-male persuasion.

It is also:

[v]. When an uncircumcised man wraps his foreskin around another
man's penis! Rhymes with noodle.

Thank you for specifying that it does infact rhyme with Noodle.

Oh, so now you call?

Did you know I have been worried sick about you?

(correct answer: Yes)

Really, you have no idea what it's like to be a parent! Do you know how old I was when I had you?

(correct answer: 17)

That's right, and I got kicked out of your grandparent's house because of it. Life isn't a movie you know, we all can't make pop culture references and own a bed and breakfast now can we?

(correct answer: Okay, I get it, I'll erase Gilmore Girls from the DVR. At least I'm not watching One Tree Hill)

And another thing, I was watching your jeans today and guess what I found?

(incorrect answer: the second triforce
incorrect answer: Maureen Dowd
correct answer: a five dollar bill)

Exactly, and now I am going to keep it. Consider it, "You ruined my life" tax. Did you know I was dating Julius Erving before your father got me pregnant. Things would have worked out to, if it wasn't for...

(correct answer: your apparent need to fuck night shifters at the Coconut Creek Dairy Queen)

Yeah, like your Mr. Perfect now. I'm your mother.

(incorrect answer: No, you're not.
correct answer: I am going to go to bed Mom.
unspoken subtext: So I can make kissy face with my television screen while Veronica Mars is on.

Oh manners.

thanks to everyone who came out on Saturday to see us and SKP at RiFiFi. Definitely an interesting place to do a show. Also thanks to SKP for having us. Oh and the free booze too.

No show this coming weekend and then it's that damned holiday where everyone pretends they're a family.

But we do have some shows scheduled with hopefully more to come...

UPCOMING:

12/17 - Juvie Hall @ 10PM $5
1/14 - The Cornservatory, 4210 N Lincoln ave, Chicago 8PM (uh, if we can afford airfare...help!)
1/17- The PIT 9:30PM $5 (audition show!!)

Okay come to all of those forever.

Love,
Jim McKenna

You guys think you're great

Cause you think you shit on the biscuit without even trying.

Fuck you middle america.

Look, I don't want to fight but--die.

We like Slightly Known People. Go to hell everyone else. Bye.