UPCOMING SHOWS

DO YOU WANT TO SEE CLEANEST RIVER IN AMERICA PERFORM YES YOU DO YOU FUCK:

2/18/06- Syracuse University 8PM FREE
3/19/06- The Goldhawk- Hoboken, NJ 7PM Directions
3/31/06- The 449 Room- Trenton, NJ (w/ Olde English!!) Doors @ 9pm. Directions $$ TBD
4/1/06- RiFiFi NYC w/ Slightly Known People8PM, 5 bucks
4/7/06- THE PIT 7PM 8 Bucks
4/14/06- The PIT 7PM 8 bucks
4/21/06- The PIT 7PM 8 bucks
4/28/06- The PIT 7PM 8 bucks.

Bring us to perform in your house we want to do it, we want to do it. Lay lady lay!!!!!!

(Actually if anyone has someplace to perform about a half-hours worth of stuff we really want to do some sketches on like the 11 of march.)

JIMMY!

It was all a dream...

...I used to read word-up magazine.

And then my mom was like "Jake stop reading that filth"

So I'm like--fuck you mom, right? And she says "RRRGWGGRWGRGRWWRWGRW" [that is anger through words]

And she says "emancipate yourself if you're all like 'fuck you mom' if that's how it's going to be."

So I say yeah--Yeah, I'm gonna emancipate myself. I AM GOING TO DO IT.

So I did it.

And for the past 15 years...

...I have eaten metal for each meal.