Friday, March 17, 2006

You could take a ferry there...

We have a show. Sunday at 7:00 in Hoboken. Hoboken is in New Jersey, and if our analysis is accurate, the city is the future home of NASA. Also, Hoboken is known for being the birthplace of both Neil Young and Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. Hoboken ran for public office once (it threw its hat into the 1964 Rhode Island gubernatorial race) but was decimated by Tad "Thrill-a-minute" Candenson, a moderate Republican who won 764% of the vote.

Anyway, the place we're performing is called the Goldhawk. It's very nice. Very nice, indeed.

We'll be doing somewhere between 10 minutes and 6 weeks. Come on out, get a beer and relive that '64 election (On the wall, you'll find a framed copy of Hoboken's concession speech, which famously begins: "Fuck you, Thrill-a-minute. Someday I'll have NASA in my pocket. Someday I will.")

Uhh...7 p.m. Sunday. The Goldhawk in Hoboken.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Cannibal Corpse Lyric of the Day

(Cannibal Corpse -- a death metal band from Buffalo, N.Y. -- is the greatest thing that ever happened to to anyone. Their newest album, Kill, and is due out next week. Former album titles include Hammer Smashed Face and Gore Obsessed.)

Today's lyric comes from the song "I Will Kill You"...

Choke on your vomit
You watch your hands cut off
Then your legs
The one that you betrayed
Will kill you this way

Hoooooray for Cannibal Corpse!!!!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

It's me, Toaster Earl


I don't want to stay long but--I noticed in the previous post you made an open call to people to call themselves--well, "Toaster Earl." This is my given name.

Now I don't mind people saying my name or anything like that--hell, with the word "Toaster" as prefix, I'm glad anyone says it at all. But what you're implying here seems to trouble me.

I'm a simple man. You put bread in me and I'm full. There, I said it.

But you tell people to use my name as some sort of pseudonym?? I am very sad.

I'm going to punch out my lungs now.

See ya.

Toaster Earl

Monday, March 13, 2006

Hey Look...

We've gone 12 consecutive posts without a single person posting a comment. Not that we care, know...why not make up a name (like "Toaster Earl") and write something prolific (like "Wires are phantoms")?

Scroll down and look at the motherfucking box cover for "Cougar Wars II." Now make a comment. Just write the first noun that comes to your mind. Selectman. There's a good one.

Listen here. The next person who makes a comment--I'll mail you a soft drink. Really.

Cannibal Corpse lyric of the day

(Cannibal Corpse is a metal band that formed in 1989 in Buffalo, N.Y. According to the group's Web site, their music combines "technical dexterity, diabolic vocal grunts, and a penchant for serial killers, zombies, and gore." Cannibal Corpse merchandise was temporarily prohibited in Australia, Korea and New Zealand. Yeah!)

Today's lyric comes from the song "Shredded Humans"...insert diabolical vocal grunts where you deem necessary...

"His seatbelt was useless for holding him back, it simply cut him in two
Legs were crushed, out leaked pus as his spinal cord took off and flew
The mother took flight through the glass, and ended up impaled on a sign
Her intestines stretched from the car down the road for a quarter of a mile"