Wednesday, February 21, 2007

(Put pun here) Wednesday

So it's Ash Wednesday. Today is the day we remember the time Jesus tried his hand at chimney sweeping. See, when he was done for the day, he didn't get all the soot off his face, and when he headed over to the local tavern, this one local was all like "Jesus, Jesus. Ever heard of a wash cloth? Go back to the Galilee homeless shelter from whence you came!" And, boy, did that line get riotous laughter from the other locals. Jesus, mortified, walked out of the tavern and saw the face of God in a BF Goodrich tire. And that's why we have the internet today. Hurrah, Ash Wednesday!

But seriously, this blog is too clever to just stick with the traditional Ash Wednesday phrase. I mean, look at all these other really really funny things you could say instead.

Hey! It's HASH Wednesday. Let's smoke that shit that's a little bit cheaper than weed!

Hey! It's CLASH Wenesday. Let's wear pinstriped pants and a flannel shirt...and listen to "Rock the Casbah." (Oooo, that one worked on two levels. Take that, Christians!)

Hey! It's ARTHUR ASHE Wednesday. Let's have a U.S. Open tennis facility named after us! (No AIDS jokes here, thank you)

Hey! It's MUSTACHE Wednesday. Let's look like Freddie Mercury and bang dudes and get AIDS! (That wasn't a joke -- just a stated fact)

Hey! It's SASH Wendesday. Let's be hall monitors and wear pieces of cloth that denote our authority! AIDS!

Hey! It's 50-YARD DASH Wednesday. Let's try our hardest during field day! Wear a condom!

Hey! It's DISGUSTING BLEEDING GASH Wednesday. Say something about Greg Louganis! Does chlorine kill the virus? DOES IT?

(I'm stopping. I'm making myself feel uncomfortable now.)