Thursday, March 08, 2007

A Very Compelling Interview

In this fast-paced society of iPods, itineraries and icecapades it sure can be tough to actually have conversations with the people that live and work right around us. Like this morning, on your way into work, did you stop and talk to the front-desk receptionist or did you avoid eye contact, walk a little faster and think to yourself how it would feel to be inside her? Exactly. You know what I'm talkin bout, dogg.

Anyway, in an effort to "slow things down" and "reconnect people with the individuals that create the social fabric of their respective communities," Cleanest River presents a new feature: Very Compelling Interviews. In this very space on a somewhat regular basis, we'll present conversations with some of the finest members of American society. Up first...THE BUS BRIVER.

Cleanest River: Hi, Bus Driver.

Bus Driver: Sit down or I'm turnin' this rig right around and you'll all be stuck at school till tomorrow.

CR: Oh, hahaha. Is that how you get the kiddies in line?

BD: I ain't kidding. I have a driver's license, see?

CR: Yeah, looks like it's laminated and everything.

BD: You got a driver's license?

CR: Sure do.

BD: Does it got your picture on it?

CR: Yep. Anyway, tell us a little bit about your daily...

BD: Well, does it got one of these numbers?

CR: A date-of-birth? Yeah, it's got one of those. But, seriously...

BD: Gimmee your hand.

CR: Uh, what?

BD: Gimmee your hand. I wanna see somethin.

CR: Okay [holds out hand]

[BD bites hand violently]

CR: Ahh! What the crap?

BD: Won't be driving nowhere now. HA!

CR: Okay, listen. We just wanted to know a little bit more about you. Now we're covered in blood!

BD: Indeed you are! Now git on the bus--recess is over!

CR: No, we're going home.

BD: The wheels on the bus go kill kill kill...kill kill kill...kill kill kill...

[CR runs]

that WAS compelling!