Jake is in the news!

The guys at Media Bitchfest are looking for a quote from Cleanest River-teer and Internet Dogfist scribe Jake Goldman to put on their site. Who picks? Stalin does, but he's dead and he left the right to vote in his will to you. So don't go bitching about how Stalin never did anything for you okay?

Here are the eight choices, pick your fav and vote in the comments section.

"Them lemon fucks be rich" -Jake Goldman, Internetdogfist

"They reference Judith Miller's vagina a lot--and I don't think that's a bad thing." Jake Goldman, Internetdogfist

"I pulled out my dick in front of these guys and they didn't even flinch. Thanks Media Bitchfest!" Jake Goldman, Internetdogfist

"One time they wrote a headline as 'Fucking Sandwich Artists,' and the
article was about the NYC subway strike and it was funny because the title referred to Subway the restaurant and not subway the train. Hey mom, look at me now! Why don't you get a divorce?" Jake Goldman, Internetdogfist

"I am not very bright or informed but I do read Media Bitch Fest" Jake
Goldman, Internetdogfist

"Two dudes actually writing honestly. The last time I saw that, you were a baby. Eat your cereal." Jake Goldman, Internetdogfist

"Two guys who actually write what they are thinking which is incredibly refreshing--even if it is laden with curse words and references to Judith Miller's vagina." Jake Goldman, Internetdogfist

"Hitler is crazy and so is this blog! Crazy good, that is! Does that mean Hitler's crazy good? Find out on the next episode of 'Dallas'!!!" Jake Goldman, Internetdogfist

P.S. SHOW TOMORROW at JUVIE HALL (26 Bond Street, right off the Bleeker Street stop on the 6 line) 10 p.m. DETAILS BELOW

Do We Have a Show?

Yes, yes we do, concerned citizen.

The Nitty-Gritty:

Cleanest River in America Sketch Comedy (100% NEW MATERIAL)
December 17th, Saturday: 10PM
Juvie Hall Theatre: 24 Bond St. (Btwn. Bowery and Lafayette)
Five Bucks, please.
Dem Franchise Boyz will be opening for us.

So this is the last show we'll EVER do at Juvie Hall..why? Because too many people keep shitting in the aisles and the upkeep is unbearable. I can't take you assholes shitting in the aisles anymore. You think I like shoveling it after the shows? No--I mean, sometimes you find some nice shapes but--come on! And seriously, we're doing all new stuff.

(Real Reason: The current manager of the theatre, Erik has decided to leave the space to pursue his own career as he has been managing theatre spaces for years now. We're sad to see the place go, and you should be sad too. You should considering burning yourself a little. Ooh--I hear scarring is "in." Like, instead of tattoos, you scar yourself. I'm definitely down for trying that out.

So Please come on out. And I lied about dem franchise boyz...our good pals David & Joey will be performing a set of two-man-long-form improv right before us. And if one of you assholes suggests "dildos" I swear I will remove you from the theatre and then shit on YOU.

Word. Did I mention all the stuff we're doing on Saturday will be 100% totally and like for real all NEW? I did? Okay.

Make it happen!

Love,
Jim McKenna