Friday, October 14, 2005

No means Awesome

Alright! Another Saturday! Another show! What's with the exclamation points?! Let's just say someone is has made a credible threat toward my family! And if I don't fully comply with their demands, then they will all suffer serious physical consequences!

"But even then, why exclamation points?!" You might ask yourself!

I don't know! I probably would have stepped up my point usage if someone just asked nicely! I don't know! My life has become unbearable! What once used to be a tangible expression of joy via a quick type of the my keyboard, is now a prison! I long for the days of typographic freedom! I know why the caged bird sings! Because he doesn't have to fucking hit shift+1 everytime he fucking chirps! Fucking cuntfuck!

Anyhow! Come to the show Saturday! Even if it's raining! Just like last week, it's at JUVIE HALL, at 8 pm, take the 6 train to Bleeker Street and walk a block up! We are again performing with Olde English! They are so dreamy! During the last show I almost got aroused! Almost! Apparently they have new stuff this week too!

God, that was supposed to come off as restrained praise! Just read it! It looks like a sycophant wrote it! Like I am into climbing trees so I can peep into Olde English's window and then sniff the leaves because that somehow adds to the visceral experience!

My life has become a dreary, grey hellscape! In a land where periods and question marks are outlawed, only the outlaws have periods and question marks! I am going to install a nouse inside an oven! Then put my face in the oven and then further insert my head into the nouse! Let's see what happens then! Huh! Answer me!

8 pm
Juvie Hall
Cleanest River / Olde English

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Doing it Again


Thanks to all who came out to the Clean River/ Olde English show on Saturday. We're going to do it one more time and I recommend you come on out. This weekend it won't be raining. At least outside, it won't. I can't control what goes on in your brain.

But yes. Come to Juvie Hall Saturday at 8...5 bucks gets you a ticket and a tongue kiss from someone. I also can't control who tongue kisses you. Last week we raffled off a coffee maker...this week? An entire Elk.

Here is a poem by a man who wishes Eisenhower was still in power:


By Jim McKenna

So what if there's new iPods,
They can't put Dwight back in the White House.
And, oh is that a mouse?
Scurrying across my kitchen floor?
They used to call Dwight E., the exterminator.
He'd have fixed it by now.

And in the star-filled night,
I feel so cold,
Because I know that earthquakes are inevitable.
That's right.
Dwight D.,
Had the power to end plate-techtonics.
Forcing the San Andreas fault back together with just one hand.

Some say it's the hand of God.
I say it's just our greatest leader.

And when the Soviet Union was all crazy, who was there to say "Hey, stop being all crazy."
And when the Fertile Crescent was no longer fertile who cried every night?
And when the Civil War ended who said "Finally, we can eat."
Dwight Eisenhower discovered helium.
Dwight Eisenhower invented spelling bees.

Can you hear me Dwight?
Because I hear you.
Every night as I lay down.
You sing Fats Domino songs into my ear,
And all is well.

Jim McKenna.