Friday, May 18, 2007

Hat debate

Moderator: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Andy (in front row): And children.

Moderator: Oh, I didn't realize there was a youngster here.

Andy: Yes. I'm 11.

Moderator: Okay. Glad you could make it. Anyway, we have a fine debate here tonight...

Andy: Could you say 'Good evening' and include me?

Moderator: What?

Andy: You only welcomed ladies and gentlemen. That's not me.

Moderator: Okay. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and children. We have tonight...

Mutant Fred (in third row): Um, what about me?

Moderator: What about you?

Mutant Fred: Well, I'm a mutant.

Moderator: I don't know what you're trying to pull...

Mutant: I was created in a pool of radioactive sludge using the DNA from a male human, a female rhino and a genderless piece of metal. Why do you think I look like this?

Moderator: I...I thought you were Jewish.

Jewish necktie (in first mezzanine): Hey, I'm Jewish!

Moderator: You're also a necktie!

Jewish necktie: And I should be welcomed to this debate!!

Moderator: I'm not reintroducing the debate for you. I don't even understand how you talk.

Jewish necktie: Magic, that's how. Now start again and mention me.

Moderator: No!

Jewish necktie: I'll yell then! RARARARARARARRARARRAAA!!!

Moderator: OKAY! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen...and children...and mutants...and neckties...and any other objects, inanimate or otherwise, who may be in attendance tonight. We are gathered for a debate...

Gallon of invisible ink [whereabouts unknown]: Hey, what about me?

Moderator: Who was that? Where are you?

Gallon of invisble ink: It's me. Invisible ink. You can't see me. And you didn't mention me when you said 'Good evening.'

Moderator: I specifically phrased it in a way to welcome everything.

Gallon of invisible ink: No, you said 'objects.' I'm invisible. Not an object.

Moderator: Oh, come on.

Gallon of invisible ink: Look it up, in the dicitionary. Go dictionary. Show him.

[Dictionary walks up on stage]

Moderator: Oh, for God's sake.

Dictionary: It's on page 456.

Moderator: OK, OK. yes, I see here it says in the definition for 'invisible' that 'invisible things cannot be considered objects.'

Gallon of invisible ink: Right-o. So kindly start again.

Moderator: Fine. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and children and mutants and all objects (inanimate or otherwise) and all things invisible...and anything else in any form anywhere. Now, we have...

The idea of fire: What about me!!

Moderator: [kills himself]