Saturday, December 24, 2005

Please RSVP

To the party inside my penis!!!!!!!!!


Thursday, December 22, 2005

So the subways aren't running

That doesn't mean you have to sit quietly and sob. Here's a whole list of ways to get where you need to the MTA strike:

-Build your own subway--Pretty logical, eh? Eh? Really all you need is like 3 tons of sheet metal, a wrench, a crane, a thorough understanding of electrical engineering, a second wrench and a little determination. You don't even have to dig your own tunnels. You know, cause they already have tunnels that aren't being used. So you could put your subway down there or whatever.

-Walk...on water--I don't know. Why the fuck not?

-Kill a mockingbird--Title of a novel and also a crafty traveling technique. Just kill the bird and you'll be soaring in no time.

-Become an arsenist--You ever heard of an arsenist being stuck in one spot? Nope. They can move. MOVE. So burn your parents.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Remember that band Nirvana?

Yeah, me too. I heard they broke up. Like issues with the lead singer or something.

Hey. Thanks to everyone who came to the show at Juvie Hall Saturday. You laughed. We built a staircase. Somewhere, geese migrated. Seriously though, thank you.

In other news, we're constructing a website. So git riddy. It's gonna be in color.

More news? Sure. The next Cleanest River staircase building exposition is scheduled for New Year's eve(ening) at RiFiFi with Slightly Known People and some other hooligans. Bring a stenographer notepad, biatchhh.

Let's do even more news. Jake's in a wheelchair! I know...I know, but calm down. It's nothing serious. He was ice skating on the roof of his apartment, became awestruck by a gaggle of migrating geese in the sky above and skated off the ice into a heap of discarded sheet metal. All this caused a broken tibia. Shit monster! Fortunately, the doctors say he can be back up and skating again by this weekend. Seems fast, huh? Science is straight bomb.

Say, what are some of your favorite songs that use the word "dance" at least three times in their titles? My number one is definitely "Dance, Dance, Dance" by Steve Miller Band. That's the songwriting level Nirvana had the potential to reach. We're talking about a group that could have been the next Steve Miller Band. And now they've broken up. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Put yo hands in the air,

Ed Tercer