Thursday, March 30, 2006

I'm so spoiled.

I will second what Leif said. Philly was rad. Philly's chinatown gave us the best imitation-meat chinese dinner ever. No lie. No die?

I do want to point one thing out about Philadelphia:

After the show Mr. Drew and Mr. Niraj Shanbhag, a childhood friend of mine, took us to--yes--a "WaWa." In the Wa, (yes. I also call Duane Reade "the re" ) you order you sandwiches through a dang computer. You don't even talk to anyone. you just pick what you want using a touch screen. That done blew my mind!!

Upon ordering you get a receipt and wait. For some reason I ordered a "melted cheese" sandwich. Not even grilled. And I don't know why but to go along with the melted cheese, I picked lettuce, tomato, mustard, pepper and pickles. What the fuck. I just really liked touching the screen. Anyway, this is not the point.

While waiting in line with Niraj, a skeezy-looking dude came up to us and said "What are you guys? Like, fuckin freshman at UPenn?" For some reason this pissed me off. No, I am part of the working force dick-cartwheel. I gave him a hairy eyeball and said no I've already graduated.

He asked what Niraj did. Niraj is a first-year Med student at Penn. He someday hopes to cure malaria. (no joke, dude's a genius) But when Niraj said he was a med student the guy simply replied by saying "Oh, so you contribute nothing to society." I became angrier. What a fuck-widget.

I don't quite remember what else was said but in the seven or so minutes waiting for a pile of shit between white bread, he called me an "arrogant Jew" at least twice, immediately saying after "it's okay, I'm jewish too." He also kept saying how spoiled and rich I was and how I had a trust fund. Now that's comedy. Finally I told him to leave and he obliged, returning a hairy eyeball to me as he walked slowly to the register. After paying for his stupid coke and chex mix, he came up to me and handed me a piece of candy and said "That's for you--you enjoy that."

the candy was called "Butter Krak" and I immediately threw it away.

I then proceeded to eat the worst sandwich of my entire life.

but on a happier note, Drew bought an entire "gummy" meal. It included: a gummy burger, gummy fries (with convenient fry pouch) and other gummy things not usually found in gummy form.

Phil-a-del-phi-a Freeeeedom!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Try to imagine every member of the Secret Pants sketch group in the middle of that huggy wuggy...cause we owe them a squeeze for letting us perform in Philly with them last weekend. Very fun times in the balcony theater at the Trocadero.

We'd also like to hug:

-Drew Stephen...for doing our lights and sound. And then doing Secret Pants' lights and sound. And then doing sound for the band that opened the show. And then introducing us to WaWa.

-Gravy...because it's under-used.

-Eric Goode...because nothing's better than hugging Eric Goode.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Cannibal Corpse Lyric of the Day

(Why is "Cannibal Corpse Lyric of the Day" not actually updated daily? Because these songs are so profoundly mind expanding that if they showed up here more than twice a week, your legs would twist around each other and and turn into liquid...burning liquid.)

Today's lyric comes from the song "Post Mortal Ejaculation"...

Acid burning through her crotch
I baptise her face with my rot
Then venom foams from her throat
On my discharge she will choke

You tell 'em, Cannibal Corpse!