Saturday, January 13, 2007

Well look who's fucking back...

So this lady. This pretty fucking great lady is.

Yeah. I emailed, curtly emailed the google/blogger/aluminum tech crew. And they were able to restore my name, saying they apologized for the error. Yeah. A little fucking late.

But this lady. This pretty fucking great lady is forgiving. So i'll forgive and move on. Because after all, it is Lent.

Yeah. I moved it.

In other news, a man made of tin died yesterday in his sleep.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

High school sports!

Holy moly! High school sports are really something else. Young men and women coming to together to achieve the intangibles: Camraderie, trust, district trophies (which are actually pretty tangible but which REPRESENT success, and success is extremely intangible). In this spirit, I offer a new feature--THE HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS ROUNDUP AND COMMENTARY DISCUSSION CHAT-UP SITDOWN. Whewee! Here's the deal. I use the internet and read something about high school athletics. Then I discuss it here. Maybe someday I'll even go to a high school sports match and write about it in the FIRST PERSON! WHOAHHHH!

Okay. Grab your adolescent squeamishness and jump into this exciting world with me. Just finish your homework first ( you get that joke? AHAHAHAHA.)

This comes from the Jan. 7 Hartford Courant (they put information about high school sports right into NEWSPRINT!! God bless the FOURTH ESTATE!!!!!!!!):

MIDDLETOWN -- Jessica Sullivan set the state girls indoor pole vault record for the second time in 15 days at the 64th Hartford Public Indoor Track Invitational Saturday at Wesleyan University.

Sullivan, a Norwich Free Academy senior, cleared 10 feet, 9 inches, a 21/2-inch improvement over her vault Dec. 22 at the Jack Long Invitational.

Wowee, Jessica! I think the House of Pain recorded that song "Jump Around" just for you! Two state records in 15 days? What are you planning to do next month--rewrite the Constitution, twice? AHAAAAHHAA. Okay, I guess that doesn't really make sense, does it?

Jessica, here's my advice: Buy some sandpaper and take the first bus you see to Raleigh (the one in Puerto Rico, not North Carolina). And when you get there, just start sanding wood like crazy. As fast as you can for as long as you can. And then, just when all the locals are like "what the dandoodles?" take out your pole and jump over all their little houses. Then make a face like this one:


Monday, January 08, 2007

I'd like to file a complaint against everyone

Okay. So. This is appleshoot here.

Oh. I know it says Stick-bomb. But it's really appleshoot.

So I guess google, somehow, misplaced my account in their upgrade from Beta 2.0 to Cunt.suckalot version. And now I no longer exist. So now that the kind appleshoot is dead, the kind blogger who would post whimsicle tales of fancy is dead dead, I'm fucking here to spread vehement lies against everyone, because I blame everyone for appleshoot being missing.

1- Gerald Ford is dead.
2- Joy Behart is a bitch.
3- I taste absolutely no difference between the Healthy Choice campbell's soup and the regular.

OH? Those are all true??? 2007 my ass.