Hey Gladys...

We gots ourselves a show on Friday at the PIT theatre. That's on 29th St., you big lug! And listen to this? We have a special friend performing with us. Spencer King. He's 9 feet tall and is simply adorable. I mean, sure he'll nibble on your head, but he'll do it in a way that'll make you smile. I guarantee it, Gladys, I guarantee it!

So, Gladys, when you get done with that job of yours on Friday (what do you do now...you work as a coat check attendant at the children's museum, right?)...yeah, well, when you get done, come on down the way of the PIT. See some comedic violence. See the 12-foot-tall Spencer King. See the inside of your soul turn to mashed egg!

Here's all you need to know, Gladys:
Friday May 19
8:00 pm, 8 dollars (stop that, you can afford it)
45 minute set
The PIT Theatre...154 W. 29th St. (betw 6 and 7)

And one more time. Spencer King's with us! He's 2 miles tall...ahhh!

Have you seen Jerry?

Today, I was waiting for the elevator in my work building. And then one of the elevator doors opened and there was this dude like standing on the top of the elevator in the open shaft. He goes, "Jerry?...Jerry?" I remain quiet. He asks me, "Have you seen Jerry?" I replied, "No I haven't seen Jerry." He replied, "Oh." He stood there in the elevator, just standing there.

Probably a minute had passed, no elevator. So we're both standing there...waiting. Me waiting for an elevator. Him waiting for Jerry, whoever Jerry was. He asks me, "So, how are you today?" I'm a little you know...like...weirded but I'm polite, so I say "I'm good...you know. You?" He replied, "Oh yeah. All right." Another awkward pause. 2 minutes since I pressed the elevator button. This is insane.

In my head, I thought I'm being rude; I should make conversation. But since I'm awkward, the phrase to come out of my mouth was: "So do you like tea?" What? What in the world is wrong with me? He replied, with a smile, "I'm more a coffee person. Can't start my day without it." I said, "Oh me too actually." He giggled (yes, giggled) said, "Well then you should have asked me about coffee." Ding! Elevator.

I hate you Jerry.