Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Sorry to bother you

You're busy. Reports to write, philosophies to articulate, sky-bridges to design and construct. But take a break for one second and LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS MOTHER FUCKING CAT:

Monday, January 22, 2007

The Angry Swimming Pool (volume 3)

Anncr: Holy moly shave me slowly! The Angry Swimming Pool is back in the neighborhood, and he looks a little sauced!

Swimming Pool: C'mon, I've had like one beer.

Anncr: One? More like genocide!!

Swimming Pool: What? It's a nice afternoon. Can you just leave me alone? For once?

Anncr: Pap smir stockingfeet! The Angry Swimming Pool is steeeeaming!! If you're listening in your car, I'd say just drive into a lake! Now! Die with dignity!!

Swimming Pool: No, listen. No one do anything drastic. I'm cool. I'm just here to barbecue.

Anncr: The Angry Swimming Pool just mocked Christianity!!!

Swimming Pool: How? I just said...

Anncr: He's got a beard! He's a jihadist! An enemy combatant!!

Swimming Pool: I'm a swimming pool for God's sake. I don't subscribe to any ideology. Except buoyancy (chuckles to himself).

Anncr: He's laughing!! He's trivializing human existence!! What about those climbers on Mt. Hood, asshole?! Send this Angry Angry Swimming Pool to the gallows!! (Two henchmen enter, attempt to put rope around Swimming Pool's neck.)

Swimming Pool: C'mon. Cut it out.

Anncr: Hoist this Angry Swimming Pool, boys!

Swimming Pool: That's it. (Swimming Pool executes stellar ninja kick, knocking henchman onto their backsides)


Swimming Pool: No, please, listen to me. I deserve better...

Anncr: I can't even describe my fear (takes out knife, cuts off his own tongue)

Swimming Pool: Jesus. (Creates giant wave, flooding North America for six years. All living things perish, but when the floodwaters recede, the sun shines and the bare Earth seems to hold limitless possibilities. The Swimming Pool climbs to the top of a hill and breathes in deeply.)

Anncr: He's got a tank missile!!

Swimming Pool: How are you not dead?

Anncr: Drive into a lake, ladies and gentlemen!! Drive. Into. A. Lake!!!

Swimming Pool: (sigh)