It was all a dream...

...I used to read word-up magazine.

And then my mom was like "Jake stop reading that filth"

So I'm like--fuck you mom, right? And she says "RRRGWGGRWGRGRWWRWGRW" [that is anger through words]

And she says "emancipate yourself if you're all like 'fuck you mom' if that's how it's going to be."

So I say yeah--Yeah, I'm gonna emancipate myself. I AM GOING TO DO IT.

So I did it.

And for the past 15 years...

...I have eaten metal for each meal.