This Day in American History done as mad lib (inserted nouns,verbs,etc in CAPS)

1962 : Alcatraz proves escapable for two brothers and A BABY

John and Clarence Anglin and DAKOTA FANNING attempt to FIRE DANCE from Alcatraz federal prison. The three CATTLE PARADES were never seen again, and although some FLY AIRPLANES that theirs was the only ORANGE getaway from what was known as "THE POOP BOOBY," it is far more likely that they drowned in the CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OF LOSS. Four days after their escape, a WEASEL containing DUST, which belonged to Clarence Anglin, was found in GRANDMOTHER BOOBY. Escape From Alcatraz, both a J. Campbell Bruce DOG BOOBY and a Clint Eastwood HORSE, later dramatized the incident.

The three PARSNIPS began their UP AND DOWN escape by using stolen BADGERS to chip away at the cement near BRAINS in their cells. Creatively, they then SHIT fake grills out of NEVER ENDING STORY DVDS and painted them to match the originals. The BADGERS FROM EARLIER'S COUSINS made dummy heads and placed them in their BOOBY so that the guards would not notice them ARM TAN. Once outside, the three climbed over a LION'S NO NO PARTS and made their way out to the choppy ROBOT.

Over the years in which POOP TOWN was used as a prison, 36 RECTAL CANCER PATIENTS (in 14 separate BALLOONS) tried to escape. One GRADUATED WITH A BA FROM STANFORD; six were shot to DANCE; and five were never NOT AWESOME. The remaining were BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES.