Rejected Sketches. (2 of 4)

The Nicest Man in Town

By Jake G.

Joey
Louis
Dolores
Terry

Joey is standing at a bus stop looking nervous. People are walking by rather fast.

JOEY: [randomly as people walk by] Excuse me? Hello, I-- Excuse me, do you know when-- Hi, sir?

LOUIS: Can't talk, walking.

JOEY: But you just did-- [people keep coming by] Hi, ma'am, I just want to-- Look please, I--

[louis walks by again]

JOEY: Sir, I just want to know--

LOUIS: [moves up real close] Yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you?

JOEY: Huh? Well, yeah--

LOUIS: Let me tell you something, kid, you see this briefcase?

JOEY: Yeah?

LOUIS: There's nothing in it but my hatred for you!

JOEY: What?

LOUIS: [running away] See you in hell, Batman!!

JOEY: Jeez, one day in this town and already I want out. Does anyone know the fucking bus schedule here?!

[Louis walks up to Joey in a very cheerful manner]

LOUIS: Say my boy, you must be new in town!

JOEY: Oh no, no not you, just get out of here.

LOUIS: What do you mean, chap? [rubs his head]

JOEY: Hey! Don't touch me! You just told me, like five seconds ago, that you hated me!

LOUIS: Kid, you're crazy, why everyone tells me, I'm the nicest guy in town. Like Terry here. Hey, Terry!

[Terry walks over]

TERRY: Louis!

LOUIS: Terry, tell this kid here what everyone in town calls me!

TERRY: Why, you? The nicest guy in town?!

LOUIS: The very same one! Me, you hear that kid?! ME! I AM THE NICEST GUY IN TOWN! COME ON TERRY LET'S GO BUY OURSELVES SOME PRODUCE!!!!!!

TERRY/LOUIS: PRODUCE IS AWESOME!

JOEY: Oh my god. I'm going to be so late for work. Excuse me, ma'am do you know when-- Ah dammit!

[Louis walks by again this time looking real mysterious]

JOEY: You again?

LOUIS: Me again? [gets real close] Who told you that? The mayor?! I will kill him!

JOEY: What? No! You, the nicest guy in town!

LOUIS: I ain't no nice guy.

[Dolores walks by]

DOLORES: It's true! He touches little boys! [she walks off]

LOUIS: You wanna get high? Higher than a monkey doin' lines of coke of your grandma's back?

JOEY: What?

LOUIS: I can make you soar like rocketships!

JOEY: [words = none. ducks for sale!!!]

LOUIS: Woop! Gotta go! It's time to make the Donuts!

[everyone clears except for Joey, looking horrified. A "bus" pulls up, meaning everyone sitting behind the driver making bus noises. Come on, it'll be fun!!!!! Louis is the driver. The bus stops in front of Joey]

LOUIS: Looking for a ride?

ALL: There's room for one more!

JOEY: I think I'll just walk..

[fade.......out/ pita pit]